Thanks to @pemullen, I was introduced to Sonic.net some time ago. Unfortunately I never took the time in my old apartment to switch out my AT&T DSL for Sonic.net's Fusion service; the thought of home internet downtime was just too dreadful to even contemplate changing, despite AT&T's absolutely awful service.
Now that I've left that apartment, I can finally take the dive into some delightful Sonic.net service, and while it's not even installed yet, I can tell this is going to be a wonderful relationship just by some of the support emails I've been exchanging with their folks.
Like an idiot I moved in last weekend instead of this upcoming weekend, so I'm now in the unenviable position of zero home internet service. In the interest of time, can you guys just ship the kit instead of sending some poor tech to Berkeley? :)
I understand that AT&T still needs to install a line, but after that I'm hoping to get up and running as soon as possible, I'm almost to the point of considering opening a book to read.
Oh the horror.
After only a couple hours Kelly R. got back to me:
Sorry to hear that you've been driven to such desperate measures. I know the lead time takes a while from AT&T, but we here at Sonic.net have been working on expediting our end of the install process as much as possible. I'll keep my fingers crossed that this installation process doesn't result in a library membership.